Caesarean tomorrow

I'm booked in to have our baby by caesarean tomorrow, so that paediatricians can be on hand to check what extra care the baby needs, following a worrying scan on Friday. I thought I'd write a blog entry about the details so that I can share it with those who will want to know and for those who want to pray for us.

The scan was to check that the baby was definitely not breach. I grumbled a bit about it because it seemed obvious that it wasn't. However, in retrospect we were very thankful that I did. The baby has hydrocephalus, so instead of about 10mm of liquid round its brain it has about 35mm. It's head is quite a bit bigger than it would normally be (which is a good thing in this circumstance) but there is no knowing what pressure has been put on its brain and what effect this will have. In the short term, they'll need to do an MRI/CAT scan and try to figure out the cause so that they can see what they need to do about it. The likelihood is that between 1 and 4 days after the birth they will operate to put a drain in (a semi permanent one) that will drain the liquid to the baby's stomach. Depending on the cause and any other consequences, they may also need to operate to address those. The most likely cause is that I could have had a virus which I may not have even noticed having. Other causes could be a blockage or a chromosomal problem. We just pray that they can figure this out and that the baby can be stable enough to come home with us before too long. Then I think it will be as the baby develops that we'll gradually find out what the long term impact of this will be, on the baby's movement, balance, speech development etc. The effects can be very varied and impossible to predict.

The baby will be full term (born on its due date) and full size, and as far as they can see is completely normal in terms of its heart, other organs etc. It's quite a wriggler - more so than Miriam - so we think that it is physically quite strong except for this anomaly.

It looks as if I won't be going back to Cameroon. It will be a shame to lose the opportunity to say goodbyes in person to our friends there, but we'll keep in touch in other ways and I'm sure I'll see many people again in England or elsewhere.

We didn't have much information before the weekend because of the scan being on Friday afternoon, and Tim and the kids didn't get back from Cameroon until Sunday. Miriam's Godmother Catherine picked me up from the scan and took me to see a consultant, then straight on the church retreat, as we'd previously planned, and has been a rock of support since. On the retreat it was good to be surrounded by a lovely supportive group of old and new friends. I was able both to be distracted for some of the time and to spend some of the time adjusting to what is coming up. Then I came back to Tim and the children, and we've enjoyed some family time together.

On Monday I had a fuller scan and saw a couple of Fetal Medicine specialists, a couple of midwives, a paediatrician and an anaesthetist. They were really helpful and it was amazing how they managed to spend so much time with us at such short notice. Thank goodness for the NHS and free medical care. In a way, they couldn't really tell us a lot more about the baby's condition, but we felt that no news was good news at that point. The scans look really alarming because the amount of liquid is easy for us to see. I had to close my eyes after a bit because I just didn't want to see it. However, we were quite reassured near the end of the last scan by a comment between the two doctors that the cerebellum seems to be cerebellum shaped. Not a comment that's reassuring in most circumstances, but our greatest worry at that appointment was that they would say that it wasn't.

By this time, having plunged through just about every possible scenario, we're both feeling surprisingly relaxed. Ready to enjoy the arrival of the baby and then to face what comes bit by bit. There's a long road ahead and lots of potential problems, but with the support we have from family and friends, the flexibility of Tim's job, being in our own house and able to stay on as long as we need to etc. we feel that we're as prepared as anyone could be. My parents are coming to stay with us from tonight, and Tim's parents are coming to stay next week.

We'll let you know when the baby arrives and as we know more.